Giving up....

I have not uttered the words "I give up" since starting this cancer journey. There have been many hard days when that would have been the easy thing to do. But today, when I am so close to the end, I really want to give up.

I started radiation two weeks ago. So I am now 11 treatments in. The first week was a breeze! Well, other than my almost complete melt down over being strapped to the table by my head. But it doesn't last long each day, and the side effects where minimal.

Well... that was until the end of last week. I started to get a sore throat from the treatment. By Friday night I could barely swallow. It is now Monday night and I haven't eaten a real meal since Friday. Heck, it's been a good diet plan, I have lost 6 lbs since Thursday. But I am so tired of not being able to eat or drink! I have never had any case of strep throat be this painful, and I have had some serious cases before.

I still have two more weeks of treatment. And there is no end in sight for the sore throat until it's all done. I am truly contemplating giving up for the first time! I would rather go through child birth or even another chemo than this crap! I really want to ask the oncologist if there is any way to cut the treatments down by a few just so I can enjoy Christmas with my family. Doubt that will happen. But here is to hoping!

I know I can't give up.... But it is tempting.